Gazing into the darkness, and the world seemed to stop.  “What just happened?”  “Did this just happen to me?” Everything went silent. He was talking and I couldn’t voice a reply. I was rubbing the cheek that was now burning in pain. Fear and unbelief at this moment were loud in my ear. The silence of the night was deafening with only lights shining through the window in the homes around us.

 I remembered it was there, and I just needed to get to my protection. I allowed my hand to fall into the pocket of the door as I reached slowly until I felt the metal in my hand. “This had to save me from this moment,” I thought.

I heard him speaking in clarity as my ears stopped ringing from his strike. He knew what I was reaching for and dared me to try and pull it from its’ hiding place. His threats jolted me from my thoughts. I recognized I was still outside of his house. I believed I could go inside and someone would be able to rescue me. Surely they would not allow this to continue. I broke the silence to say, “I need to go to the bathroom,” as my voice shivered in fear. He was intentional in reminding me the women in the house were asleep. My heart rate increased trying to figure out what to do. His venomous tone filled the car with rage saying, “You better not say a word and hurry up.”  This had to be my way out of the horror I found myself in. Slowing shifting my body to open the door, the piercing hate in his voice broke the silence again reminding me of the consequences of not obeying his warning.

“How did I get here and why was this happening to me?” Eighteen years old at the moment,  I remembered what I had said to myself years earlier.  I had promised myself I would never be like the women in my family or the girls in my school. Running in fear and being embarrassed by the person who said they loved them, was their story, not mine. The other family members watched, and the world watched with little assistance as the women screamed in terror and pain. I would not be them and told myself, “They are weak.”  This night shifted who I believed I was and deepened the feeling of worthlessness already filling my soul. I had become them and the common denominator is that we are ALL women. The fear and desperation I saw in them, was knocking at my door in the still of the night inside a 2 door vehicle I was desperate to leave.

This is my story and sadly the story of many women. Women and girls all over the world, of different races and ages, who in a moment their lives shift from love to outright fear recognize its moment. This moment was years ago for me, but sadly, many are in this moment now. I had protection but also could not move and use it out of fear.

My story didn't end there…

Neither does yours...

You think I don’t see you because the shame and fear blind you and make you believe you are no longer visible to those around you.

I see you asking yourself, “How did I allow this to happen to me?" 

The truth abuse is not bound by gender, age, location, or race.  It is not only physical and many have this misconception that if they didn’t hit you, it’s not abuse.  I’m here today to remind you that you will overcome this. You deserve better even though it doesn’t feel like it. Whether you are in this situation now or struggling to overcome the after effects of it in your life.

 It’s time to go beyond the playground and rewrite what love looks like As little girls, some of us were told when a boy “picks” on you, pulls your hair, or hits you, it’s because they like you. LIES! It wasn’t true then and certainly isn’t true now. The understanding of what love looks like starts with self.

What is love to you? Do you know what it looks like for you to love yourself? I didn’t. The signs were there, but my definition of love didn’t prepare me to recognize them.

 Love does not demean, hurt (mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially), belittle, condemn, or coerce. Check-in with yourself and analyze if your playground definition of love needs to be rewritten.  This is personal. This is necessary. 

 Abuse in all its forms can shatter your sense of worth and value, leaving you feeling ashamed and silenced. Speaking out can help you reclaim your power. Many women and girls have lost their lives at the hands of those who claim to love them. I know it's not easy to break free, but you deserve better.

We need change.

No woman should live in fear, and no child should grow up without a mother.

As you read this, know that you are loved and seen.

This is not the end of your story.

You can overcome this.

 Seek help, even if it means reaching out beyond your family.

 I understand that it's not easy, but I want you to know, “ I see you, I hear you, and I believe in you”

You can get through this.

You are loved, valued, and necessary.

 I pray that you find the strength to leave and stay safe.

If you are out, use prayer, support, and therapy to help heal the scars on your heart and mind.

You are necessary….

Be Safe…

In my book, “Dear Me I See You: A Collaboration of Intimate Letters From a Woman’s Heart To The Little Girl Within,” me and 4 co-authors begin to address the pain the little girl within is holding on to that left her feeling broken, unseen and unheard.  Companion Workbook is also available.

Now it’s your turn, Share your thoughts in the comments and let’s continue the conversation. Share the blog with someone who could benefit from it….